Opulent Oliver’s

I just finished eating over 1,000 calories at The Cheesecake Factory and I’m ready to eat my pre-dinner snack. Then leftovers. Then dinner.

Retro Rise

I let off the gas a little when I was driving here and all of a sudden I felt the pedal press down without my foot on it and I had a half moment of freak out thinking someone tampered with my car and maybe my breaks didn’t work. There was a cop across the…

Gloria Gains

I want to speak Spanish to these people so bad but I don’t want to get made fun of and not even know it.

Farmer Fresh

My dad just suggested I do a blog completely in Spanish to cater to my Spanish fans.

Barren Burgers

The writers of “Parks and Rec” and “The Office” must have been sitting where I was today.

Sneaky Census

I was just sworn in and am officially a secret agent for the United States of America.

Unveiling Upshot

Lydia’s mom started reading my posts and asked Lydia “I guess she doesn’t care about punctuation?” Welcome to The CoffeeHouse.

Clementine’s Craze

“Best of My Love” is playing on the speakers, the sun is shining bright through the front wall of windows, Nate has blue ice cream in his beard, and I am happy. I loved this place as soon as we walked by.

Twisted Trance

My grandma has specifically asked me to not mention anything about my menstrual cycle anymore.

Shaw’s Safari

I wasn’t gonna blog here but Liana is almost definitely still sleeping and we were supposed to meet here 30 minutes ago so here I am.

Aged Alpha

This old lady just shuffled through the front doors, very confused, very oblivious to the “Hi! How are you?” that came from the employee. That happens to me all the time and yes, it is extremely embarrassing. I get it from my dad.

Sculpture Slaughter

Nate said he wanted to hold my backpack and I obviously said no because I’m the one that brought it so I should have to hold it. He was super insistent on wanting to hold my backpack and I asked why and he goes “well … you know, because … your … period”

Senior Schnucks

I’ve been craving wings for weeks, but I also need to fill up my gas tank.

Library Longevity

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this in a while, but recently I’ve been sweating a lot.

Choosing Chuck’s

“Shit, I don’t wanna be here either.” – mother of two walking in ahead of us.

Blueberry Business

My parents didn’t want me blogging at the mall because they said the area was too dangerous. So instead I’m here on the Loop.

Funky Foundation

I’m such a wimp I hate asking for the wifi password but I need it but I hate people thinking I’m here only to use my computer. It is true, but I don’t want people to think that.

Zesty Zoo

Don’t hate me. Okay, you might hate me, but try not to.

St. Laurence Strikeout

I’m sitting in the mezzanine of Nate’s high school gym and my computer is dead but I’m paranoid everyone is looking at me so I’m waiting half an hour for this camp to start before I can find an outlet to plug it in. Wow.

Lord have Mercy

I’ve been embroidering a ton lately because I’m a 76-year-old woman and let me tell ya, it’s pretty sick.

Maypop Mornings

This place is so quiet so I’m trying not to make noise but the wooden chairs are scraping against the floor. So I only pulled it out a little bit but my butt is huge and doesn’t fit and I just kinda fell down into the chair, which almost fell over. Definitely made more noises…

Breaking in Bean Tree

Sam has been dying to take us to this place since last year. I caved and she drove. 

Electric Eagle

First swing of the day! It’s a whiff but still exciting.  It was at this moment we decided score doesn’t matter.

Timeless Tiffany’s

This place is right next to a hair salon and I easily almost walked in there.

Webster Weirdos

If I see one more frick frackin spider in this frick frackin apartment I am going to lose it. 

Crafty Coma

The music in this place combined with the caffeine is like a psychedelic trip.

Poppin’ Park

I know, it’s Saturday, step off. I even contemplated doing it tomorrow and then thought I really only do this once a week, I should be able to stick to a loose schedule.

Tricky Tree

There are six different types of black coffee and I’m telling you right now I don’t love you enough to try them all.

Happy Hipster(ish)

This little boy ran over and just stole Stephanie’s spot. In all honesty, he is saying that I stole his spot first and that might be true but this is a couch and there is no way I’m moving.

Paco’s Tacos

Hello after months of begging and bargaining, my dad has finally agreed to come blogging with me. Carrie also decided to tag along and now it’s a party.

Chicago Cakes

I have a bunch of bras spilling out of my backpack because it was way too much work to take them all out before I left. I’m on a time limit, people.

Babbling Bride

I’m getting married! Okay, I’m not, calm down. But, I am in a bridal shop today.

Bingo Baby

This woman is wearing a shirt that says “High Heels, High Hopes” with a pole going down the middle. I’m not saying anything about the pole, just making an observation. 

Risky Run

“Ok, well I’m gonna have to start taking off my clothes,” — Danielle

Noto’s Neverland

I started writing this on my computer but it decided to shut off and take this time to work on updates instead of turning back on.

Deliciously Dylan

I saw a thong crunched up on the sidewalk on my way to church earlier. 

Dynamic Dwyers

My aunt manages a McDonalds and called me out for my post on Mother’s Day. 

Journey to Jack’s

I drove 17 miles to end up at the Jack in the Box two miles from my dorm.

Vivid Vendetta

We spent five minutes sitting outside in the car because Nate was convinced this place was a bar and he was under-dressed. 

Checkin’ Out Chicks

I know what you’ve been thinking, “she’s gone AWOL, off the map!” Alas, I am back. 

Museum Mayhem

My Facebook Live was way more awkward than I ever imagined.

Dueling in Dunkin’

I woke up in the middle of the night just to spite all the people on Twitter who voted I wouldn’t. 

Cornering Cosecha’s

If you are wondering why “gooey butter cake spatula” is in my search history, you’re automatically offending the gray fox in the striped shirt talking up the barista.

Sunset’s Scorn

I just paid $10 for unlimited bowling and you can bet that I’m closing this place down.

Shameless Seduction

“Let’s go to the sex shop with food!” It’s Rachel’s first time in the blog squad and she’s already trying to corrupt this wholesome site. 

Coffee Cravings

For the second week in a row I’ve brought Nate — wearing sweatpants and a pullover — to a fancy restaurant on accident. 

The Classy Clover

“I can’t believe I’m wearing shmants in this place and everyone else is dressed up. Like, I’m not even wearing underwear.”

Kreme and Sugar

This coffee smells really gross and I know people say Krispy Kreme has the best coffee but I think their donuts are overrated too so it’s just becoming a pattern now.

Mungenast Miles

You know that feeling when you’re not hungry but there’s free stuff so if you don’t eat it you’re actually losing money? Yeah, I’m about to gain 10 pounds.

Staking Stella’s

I wish public restrooms would give me the option of paper towels or hand dryers. Like, let me choose whether I want to destroy the planet or not. Don’t just assume I’m pro-Earth.

Coffee Cartel

Picture this: a middle-aged woman on a prancing ram flying through space, her blonde hair trying not to get caught on the horns. 

Surprisingly Stoned

We literally have been siting down for maybe seven minutes and Nate is already asleep in his chair.

Playing in Pieces

There’s a $5 ‘library fee’ in order to play all the board games in this place and dare I say this is un-American. 

Bickering in Bread Co.

Bless the woman behind the counter at STL Bread Co. who, after giving me the absolute saddest look when I said all I wanted was black coffee, gave it to me for free. 

Panic at Piccione

I can’t think because the guy across from me is looking for guys on Tinder and reading the bios — oh, he just ran out of people to swipe. 

Sexy Strep

I’m poppin pills and got a 2 for $20 deal better than Applebees.

Ghouling in Garden’s

I went to a Vietnamese place and realized I was at the wrong Garden Cafe, so two miles later, here I am.

Cyrano’s City

This coffee is $3.10. This black cup of coffee in a plain white mug is more than my entire order at Jack In The Box (two tacos and curly fries).

Diner Daze

This coffee is weak as fu — my parents read this, but you know what I mean.

Starbucks Stakeout

I’m thinking about soap. More specifically, the soap that looks like delicious food, and then you realize the bitter truth when you accidentally take a bite. It’s always disappointing, even though every time you ask yourself “why would there be a cinnamon roll on this bathroom vanity?” you always hope for the best. This is…